Saved by the bus

A short story by @fatijaoui //

Calista had always adored and revered her older sister for as long as she could remember. She showed her unconditional love and was always there to help and answer all her demands. About to finish university, Calista struggled to find a mandatory summer internship. She was not used to receive any help from her family members but she still tried to ask her sister for help.

Desperate and tired, Calista felt lost when her sister declined to put a good word for her at her company. Stating that the company never hired interns, her sister ignored her request and didn’t offer Calista any help or contact. Shortly after, Calista found out that one of her classmates got hired at her sister agency.

Unable to escape the emotional manipulation her sister used to underplay the situation; Calista started to realize how trapped she was with her manipulating family. Calista eventually found an internship at the babysitting agency where she usually worked as a nanny. That summer was heavy and tiring as she had to travel through the north, south, north again, and then the middle of the subway lines in a day. After her long internship hours, she had to pick up her nephew from daycare, which was quite far from her parents' place and her sister's place. Despite the exhaustion, Calista loved her nephew very much and didn't blame or resent him.

Once the summer was over, all her toxic family members returned to the family home, and Calista struggled with the daily violence she endured. At least once a day, she would cry in the shower, trying to muffle the noise. Calista had to remind herself that she was almost done with college and would soon be free. She had to stay strong and keep her head above water.

Calista arrived home early one day to find that no one was home except for one of her deranged brothers. Starving, she went to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Calista didn't notice her brother behind her until he began berating her. Startled, she hastily left the kitchen to avoid any further conflict. but as she walked away, she heard him call her a whore and threaten to kill her sooner than later.

With zero warning, something inside Calista snapped, and she began to scream and rage. She dared her brother to kill her right in this moment. Her brother turned in an animal state. He started to beat her mercilessly like a pro MMA fighter, leaving her lifeless on the floor. Calista stayed unconscious for hours before her mother came home and called 911. Rushed to the hospital, she remained in a coma for two weeks.

When she finally woke up, Calista learned that her family had told the police she was the victim of a burglar. The lie sent Calista spiraling into a deep depression. After a few days, Calista entered a state owned mental health facility. She begged her sister to move in with her, but her sister kept pushing her away. Calista was the villain of the story in her family's eyes. She was even blamed her for triggering her brother and putting him in danger with the police. According to her family, everything was Calista's fault. They told her to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat every time she tried to express her feelings to them. Depression was a fake disease to them, and Calista had to endure vile insults every time they visited.

One day, Calista asked her sister if she remembered the promise she had made before her wedding: that once she moved into a bigger place, Calista could move in. But, her sister only laughed hysterically, like an evil witch in a horror movie, and told her: "And you believed me? Poor you. Grow the fuck up. Get your own money and your own place, and leave mom the fuck alone. But by the look of it you only good to cause shame and dishonor to this family. » After realizing how unsupported she was, Calista attempted to end her life many times, but no one seemed to notice or care.

Calista eventually stopped trying to understand why her own family would so willingly betray her on a regular basis. Forced to drop out of school by her mother, she fell into a vegetative state, both emotionally and physically. She had given up, thrown in the towel, and lost all hope of ever having a better life. Every night, Calista prayed for death to come and take her away before falling asleep.

The few friends she had distanced themselves from her when she opened up about her suicidal thoughts. They were ill-equipped to help her, and it only confirmed her decision to die. The only reason her family kept her around was to cash in on her monthly social benefits and state allowance. The situation felt worse than any torture she could imagine. Calista barely talked or moved, keeping as quiet as possible and avoiding any interaction as much as she could.

One day, Calista's heart shattered into a million pieces when her nephew ignored her with a blank stare and didn't acknowledge her greeting. The feeling of being the crazy and weird loser of an aunt became too much for her to bear. That night, she cried herself to sleep until a migraine silenced her sobs. While crying alone in her room, she could hear her family enjoying dinner and laughing together, taunting her with their happiness. Calista felt like a piece of unwanted furniture, left in the corner to rot. Every day was the same, and her relationship with her sister was nonexistent. They avoided each other at all costs, and Calista could even hear her family making fun of her while she used the bathroom near the kitchen.

The week after her nephew ignored her, Calista's sister visited again and suggested sending her to a psychiatric ward permanently so they could rent out her room and continue to steal her benefits. Calista felt a burning sensation in her chest, which quickly became paralyzing. Memories from her previous stay at a psychiatric ward began to resurface, making her feel dizzy and sick. During her last stay, she was stripped of her clothes and forced to take a cold shower. The nursing staff also punched her multiple times when she refused to sleep.

That night, Calista donned her father's sneakers and her mother's coat, so she wouldn't attract any unwanted attention outside. Everyone was asleep when she summoned the courage to leave the place she despised with every fiber of her being. Outside, the air was cold, and the wind tossed her from side to side. The darkness of the night made it challenging for her to see ahead clearly. Her plan was to walk long enough, staying hidden, until she eventually died of hypothermia, thirst, and hunger. Calista walked so much that she didn't realize she had entered a new state until she saw an unfamiliar sign by the road. A magnificent sunrise appeared, and she allowed her whole body to take in the captivating spectacle. Calista had forgotten that she was permitted to experience such beauty. "A nice goodbye," she thought.

Calista had been walking for hours, her legs aching with every step. She had no destination in mind, only a desire to escape the toxic environment she had been living in for far too long. As she trudged along, she spotted a bus bench up ahead and quickened her pace, hoping to find some respite.

Finally reaching the bench, Calista collapsed onto it, her body trembling with exhaustion. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and never wake up again. And so she did. She drifted off into a deep sleep, her mind blank and her body numb.

It wasn't until a bus pulled up in front of her that she stirred from her slumber. The driver opened the door and called out to her, "Hey, there’s a shelter on the way I can drop you if you want."

Calista was taken aback. She couldn't remember the last time she had spoken to another human being. She almost blurted out, "You can see me?" but caught herself just in time. Instead, she silently boarded the bus and nodded at the driver.

As the bus pulled away from the bench, Calista couldn't help but wonder why she had gotten on. Perhaps it was her unhealthy inability to say no. Or maybe, just maybe, it was a glimmer of hope that things could still change for the better. But, she refused to hope again.

The driver stopped the bus and turned to Calista. "There's no reason to be ashamed," he said kindly. "This shelter saved my life. I can't take you inside because I have to finish my shift, but tell them Big Jim dropped me, okay?" Calista nodded, not knowing what to say. It was only when she stepped out of the bus that she whispered a frozen "thank you" to Big Jim, who replied that she was very welcome.

Calista rang the bell outside the shelter, and a lady came out to let her in. She introduced herself as Petra and told Calista to wait in a chair while she prepared the room. Calista had flashbacks from her time in the psych ward and was feeling anxious that they would send her back. Petra eventually came out and told her that she was a nurse, and if Calista consented, she would examine her.

Calista complied with the nurse's request for an examination, and Petra asked her a series of questions about her medical history and drug use. Calista's responses were brief, but Petra couldn't detect any signs of self-harm or drug use on her body. Once the examination was complete, Petra provided Calista with a towel, new clothes, and some toiletries before escorting her to a communal shower. As Petra left the shower area to give Calista some privacy, Calista asked if she could stay. Petra reassured her that she was safe and that she would remain outside the door until Calista was done.

Under the warm water, Calista closed her eyes and felt her body relax. After drying off, she changed into the clothes provided and tended to her hygiene. When she emerged, Petra was waiting by the door, offering her food and conversation. Calista accepted the offer and had breakfast while Petra chatted with her.

Following their meal, Petra asked Calista to provide a urine sample. As Calista complied, Petra emphasized the importance of working together to help Calista through her difficulties: « You have to help us help you, that’s why I need you to be honest with me. »

It took Calista months to open up and share her story to Petra. At first, her paranoia did not let her have a rest as she always imagined the worst case scenarios. Petra had a hard time convincing her to see a psychiatrist. Calista had to unlearn how she saw herself. The shelter helped her realize that she mattered and she was allowed not to only survive but thrive.

AUTHOR : FATIMA MOUDJAOUI

FEBRUARY 2023

LAST EDITS: 02/21/2023