A short story by @fatijaoui //
Kayla and her family lived in a cramped apartment building, with their own small unit consisting of just a tiny baby mattress for Kayla and a king size mattress shared by her three younger siblings. Her parents slept on a sofa bed in the living room. When her brothers were away, Kayla would sometimes fantasize that the larger mattress was hers and spray her mother's perfume on it. But the family's living situation was far from ideal. When relatives visited, they often stayed for weeks or even months, leaving Kayla to seek refuge on the kitchen or bathroom floor while her brothers squeezed into their parents' bed. In this tiny place, Kayla had big dreams.
Kayla's strict parents forbade her from having friends over or opening the door while they were away. But when she met Melissa in middle school, Kayla couldn't resist the urge to make her her everything: her life saving boat. However, her friendship with Melissa was bittersweet, as Kayla couldn't help but feel envious of Melissa's kind and beautiful mother. As the school year began, Kayla found herself lacking the necessary supplies and her mom gave her a $20 bill, sending her on yet another errand to the dollar store. This wasn't unusual for Kayla, who felt that her mother only valued her for her usefulness and silence, with any other kind of affection being out of reach.
Kayla's trip to the dollar store was a long one, requiring a commute to a large mall. On one side of the mall were luxurious stores that seemed out of reach for Kayla. She felt unworthy of even stepping inside and instead watched with stars in her eyes from afar as mothers and their children left with their hands full of shopping bags. After her brief daydream, Kayla managed to collect only 9 out of the 16 items on her list, settling for substitutes for some of the supplies her teacher had requested. Frustrated and defeated, Kayla resigned herself to her fate, anticipating her teacher's usual humiliation for her lack of proper supplies.
As Kayla headed towards the mall exit, someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, afraid and on edge, only to be surprised by the beautiful face of Melissa's mother. Kayla recognized her and smiled nervously, saying hello. Concerned for Kayla, Melissa's mom asked why she was alone and what she was doing there. Kayla was struck by Melissa's mom's beauty and kindness and told her that she was there to buy supplies for school. Melissa's mom was horrified at the thought of Kayla traveling alone so far from home and offered to give her a ride back into town, as she was already heading in that direction. Despite the kindness of the gesture, Kayla couldn't fully enjoy the ride, constantly fearful of being caught by someone who would be angry at her for trying to steal Melissa’s mom.
Kayla's worst fear became a reality when they drove past Melissa, who was walking home from tennis practice. Kayla was in a state of panic and asked to be dropped off so she could explain to Melissa that she wasn't trying to steal her mom. She was so agitated that she thanked Melissa's mom profusely and rushed outside to find Melissa. When she finally caught up with her, Kayla blurted out that Melissa's mom had offered her a ride back from the mall, and nothing more. Melissa smiled and hugged Kayla, telling her that it was cool and that she was glad her mom had given her a ride. Kayla was relieved by Melissa's reaction and made up an excuse about her mother waiting for her, even though it wasn't true, before leaving. Kayla lied so she could feel something or fantasize on the idea that her mom was patiently and lovingly waiting for her.
Over time, Kayla became part of a larger group of friends through Melissa. Despite this, Kayla always felt anxious about being exposed as someone from a poor family with uneducated parents. To fit in, she would try to copy her friends in every way she could. Starting by the way they lovingly talked to each other even though Kayla was not really able to feel the words or the expression she was mimicking. Her parents never attended parent-teacher conferences, so she would have to lie to her teachers and say they were busy with work or other things. However, since Kayla was excelling in her studies, her teachers never felt the need to schedule one-on-one meetings with her parents. Her good grades gave the illusion that everything was fine at home. Sometimes, Melissa's mom would step in and collect Kayla's report card on her parent’s behalf so that she didn't have to wait for it to arrive in the mail. In those moments, Kayla felt important and like she mattered.
On the weekends, Kayla couldn't join her friends at the mall or the movies because she couldn't afford it. She felt angry and frustrated, always having to make up excuses for why she couldn't come. Then, before the Christmas break, her aunt came to stay in her room. The aunt was a strict woman who didn't talk much to the kids. Kayla had to sleep on the kitchen floor, which was infested with cockroaches. One night, when everyone was asleep, Kayla tiptoed to her aunt's purse and took some change. She did this every night, also taking money from her parents, but made sure to only take enough to avoid getting caught. She carefully taped each coin onto a page in her textbook so they wouldn't make noise. Once the Christmas break began and she had saved enough money, she came up with a plan to hang out with her friends. Kayla told her parents she had a group project at the local library and then snuck off to the mall or to spend time with her friends.
Kayla was struggling to find a nice present for her new friend Emily's birthday. She wanted to give her something special but couldn't think of anything. Kayla's emotions boiled over and she began to steal random items from stores. She took everything from cookies and sweets to headbands, and even once stole fresh ravioli because she had always wanted to try them after watching an ad on TV. Though she couldn't cook them without her family noticing, she ate them raw and found them surprisingly delicious. Stealing became a way for Kayla to regain control over her life, but she soon realized that nothing she could easily steal was worth offering as a present to Emily.
While cleaning the bathroom, Kayla noticed a pair of gold earrings that her mom never wore. She couldn't find the matching push closure piece and grew impatient as she was running late for Emily's birthday party. However, she put the earrings in a nice jewelry box and ran to the party, excited to finally have a present she was proud to give. Kayla enjoyed spending time with her new group of friends, but struggled with feeling inferior to them. They always seemed to have the latest trendy clothes, bags, jewelry, and shoes, while Kayla had to make do with what she had. Kirsten, another girl in the group, was especially vocal about her possessions, often bragging about her second home in the countryside. During the party, while everyone was gathered in Emily's living room for cake, Kayla pretended to need something from her coat and went to Emily's room. Once she made sure no one was watching, she opened Kirsten's bag and took her wallet, stealing as many coins and bills as she could before returning to the party. Kayla's jealousy had reached a boiling point, and she had become too comfortable in her inner thoughts, forgetting that people might notice when money went missing.
The group began to notice Kayla's tendency to steal from them. Although Melissa tried to defend her by suggesting that Kayla was just sad because she couldn't afford to keep up with the group, it wasn't enough to convince them to keep her close. They started to distance themselves from Kayla, which was devastating for her. She felt inconsolable and just wanted to disappear. Attending classes was a torture for her as she had to watch her former friends always smiling and laughing together. Despite her loneliness, Kayla continued her side business of larceny. She found solace in the library, spending her free time reading books and occasionally stealing the ones she loved. When one of her favorite books was made into a movie, Kayla was overjoyed. She counted her coins and was ecstatic to realize she had enough to buy a ticket to see the movie for its opening day.
Kayla woke up early, eager to attend the very first screening of a movie in her town. She knew she had to walk a few miles to get to the theater, so she packed a small bottle of tap water and couldn't resist stealing some cookies and a juice box from her brother's special food cabinet before heading out. Despite the long walk, Kayla was determined to be there on time, and when she finally arrived, she was sweaty and out of breath. But her face lit up when she opened the door and saw that the theater was empty. She quickly took off her coat and felt much better. Kayla headed to the second row with a big smile on her face, eagerly anticipating the start of the movie. She was filled with excitement and couldn't wait for the lights to dim and the opening credits to begin.
A few minutes later, Kayla heard people entering the theater but didn't pay much attention to them. However, her attention was caught when she recognized familiar voices: Melissa, Emily, Tania, and Kirsten. Kayla felt petrified and wanted to hide under her seat. "How much of a loser do you have to be to go to the movies alone?" she thought. Suddenly, Melissa called out her name and invited her to join them in the middle seats. Kayla reluctantly accepted and made up an excuse about how she was supposed to come with her imaginary cousin, but she canceled last minute. The girls nodded without really giving her the time of day, and Kayla felt embarrassed for telling yet another lie. During the movie, the girls exchanged looks, pitying Kayla for being alone. When it was over, Kayla said her goodbyes and walked away while her friends boarded Kirsten's mom's car. The mom was sorry she could not offer Kayla a ride as the car was already full while internally expecting someone to pick her up sooner or later. Kayla said it was fine, she came alone by foot earlier so she knew the way. Her friends were shocked, wondering how a girl her age could walk all that way to such a remote area probably without any sidewalks. No one said anything, and they parted ways.
In school, Melissa was the only one who talked or smiled at Kayla. It was always a sorrowful feeling for Kayla to receive random kindness from Melissa. Whenever the girls coincidentally met at the library, Kayla would quickly gather her things and leave fearing to be accused of stalking them. Melissa's heart would always break as she watched Kayla whenever they crossed path. Kayla was ashamed of whatever reason caused the girls to stop talking to her. They never confronted her, so she was left in the dark. Kayla held onto the hope that it was not because of her stealing.
Despite growing up in the same city and seeing the girls until their last day of high school, Kayla never gathered the courage to get close again. Everyone shared their plans after college but Kayla never did dreading someone would try to take it away from her. Kayla h had this constant nervousness and apprehension that someday the whole town will be shaming her for stealing from her friends. It became a recurring nightmare and was engraved in her.
Throughout Kayla's entire childhood and teenage years, she held the underlying belief that she was a bad person who didn't deserve love from anyone - not her friends, family, or anyone else, for that matter. When Kayla received a scholarship to Harvard, she kept it a secret. After realizing that her admission letter was indeed genuine and not a prank like she initially suspected, Kayla couldn't wait for this chance of a new beginning.
AUTHOR : FATIMA MOUDJAOUI
FEBRUARY 2023
LAST EDITS: 02/24/2023
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